...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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