Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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