R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
