omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
