so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
