Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize