If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
