he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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