Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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