i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
