1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In other news, I just burned my penis
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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