I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
