Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
