Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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