Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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