Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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