smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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