how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
