I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
