eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I understand Curling. That high.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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