Cold hands, warm shart.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Damn victory sex feels great
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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