I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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