just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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