apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
