You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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