Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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