Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize