Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
