It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm bleeding and have questions
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