If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize