She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
