Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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