so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am naked and annoyed.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
