Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize