i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
