I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize