is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
