I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
