Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
