No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
