His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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