I faked an abortion last night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
