i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
