SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
