This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
