All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
