i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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