i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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