I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
