Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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