Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize