I'll bet she douches with gravy.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
