coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
