are you still at the devil's house?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
