Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
