no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
