It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
