so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
