its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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