I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
