Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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