not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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