lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
