oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize