Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
