apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
