the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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