I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
