who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
