1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize