What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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