What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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