Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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