If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
