btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
