Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
