You can't motorboat a personality
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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