barbara walters just said penis...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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