maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She bit a glass in half.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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