Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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