She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize