Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
