i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
