I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
