I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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