Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize