I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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