Where are you?
In a non slutty way
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
