Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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