his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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