do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
