i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
