Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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