unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
