We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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