i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
