in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
