hotel room ftw
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
