Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
