the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
