So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize