people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
