remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
