Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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