I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize