You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
