I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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