white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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