I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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