she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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