sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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